They could be exaggerating. In fact, they probably are, but a quick browse of the internet shows a shocking statistic: 97% of New Year’s resolutions fail, often in the first few weeks!

And so, a follow-up to the Behavioural Mastery series. It is commonly said that we can change ourselves on three levels: thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. I’m a firm advocate of working with the first two, which naturally spread across to your actions – but others might prefer direct change. And for that, how can we go past the school of psychology renowned as Behaviourism?

This series will present some of the basic concepts; another practice to add to your toolbox. Please note that this is not strictly a post on Behaviourism, but rather inspired by it. Those familiar with the topic will realise I happily mix, mangle, and even leave out various concepts and explanations. I did this to make the shape up more practical to self-work (a lot of this justifiably revolves around changing others), and less technological. So just in case someone wants to use this as a allusion for an essay – don’t ;) .

More fascinatingly, I’ve been struggling with a question for a long time – why do we cling to hatred, self-pity, and all the rest of it – when we know it is hurting us? Behaviourist theories, although not traditionally used in such a style, shed a lot of light on these painful inner habits. Though, let’s leave that for a later post and start with the external planet.

Positive Reinforcement

Have you ever thought about where most of your habits, perhaps even preferences, come from?

We are all familiar with the concept of the reward. When a father buys his daughter a new toy for doing well on her exam, he is rewarding her efforts and high marks. Another way of looking at it: he is associating pleasure with something that he wants her to do. Naturally, this makes it more likely that she will repeat her efforts.

So when it comes to stopping our self-defeating behaviours, it makes implication that we should look for the ways they are armored, or what pleasure we have associated with them. Note that there are subtle differences between the two. Some of these are quite obvious – we get a nice “buzz” from alcohol, or perhaps we feel less shy and have more fun.

This is common implication so far. But we have to realise that such pairings are often illogical and even accidental. Before to we continue, take a second to reflect about a self-defeating behaviour you want to change, and look to see what you have paired it with. Next, see how you reinforce that pairing. Keep in mind that self-defeating behaviours, for our purposes, can include mental or shared habits such as care, pushing the hold responsible onto others, or even excessive reliving of ancient traumas.

Done? Let’s continue. I remember case studies of weird sexual desires in an abnormal psychology class once. Some broadcast demand certain actions, such as choking themselves, broadcast exhibition, or whatever, in peacefulness to get aroused. Nothing else will do, and naturally this interferes with a habitual sex life. But how did these desires come about? One explanation based on their case histories was Behaviourism. Many started with odd and often accidental pairings – a voyeur might have just happened to have his first experience of sexual excitement when he fortuitously saw a woman bathing. This was armored over time by various other events and thoughts, other forms of arousal “died out” in the process, and this ultimately built into a full disorder.

Also note that needs, desires, and emotions can be part of the pairing. I’ve discussed in an older shape up how, as a teen, I had mistakenly associated an mad outburst with a feeling of manliness and power, which tied in to my insecurities at the time.

Now reflect back to your behaviour. Can you trace it back to the roots? Did the information above change what you thought the root was? When was the first “pairing”? Then go forwards from there. How was it then armored? Did you have any substitutes? For instance, if you watch too much television to numb feelings of loneliness, what other actions did you go? Did they slowly “die out” as surveillance television became your No.1 and irrevocably your only option?

Further Reading: Finding and Challenging the Causes

Negative Reinforcement

The next form of reinforcement, negative reinforcement, is slightly confusing. Negative, in this case, earnings the reward comes in via the removal of something, not negative in the implication of “terrible”. This will make more implication if you reflect back to a time you were in physical or psychological pain.

Take a smoker who has intense cravings as an example. Even though smokers have been bombarded with health warnings, a cigarette is still reinforcement. The ache of the craving has been taken away.

Of fastidious importance is the fact that this also applies to psychological ache or pain. It is commonly renowned that external addictions are often used to numb internal sadness, but it goes further than that. In the book Self-Esteem, authors McKay and Fanning make some eye-opening connections. The following example rings right for me, in fastidious: blaming others as a way of relieving secret guilt. A marriage, for example, might be falling away from each other, and both parties were to some extent at fault. Despite knowing this, it is more painful to own up to their mistakes, and whenever such thoughts arise, they deflect it by at once pushing the hold responsible onto the other have fun.

So once again, reflect back to your behaviour. In addition to the positive reinforcements and pairing, above, do you receive any negative reinforcements or pairings? Please don’t be stuck in the examples here – there are a many uncommon self-defeating behaviours, with countless possible pairings for each.

Reinforcement Schedules

The next vital point is the reinforcement schedule. This is just a fancy name for how often we are armored for the action we take. There are many types, but can be generalised for our purposes into three broad categories:

  1. Continuous: Each time I do something I get armored, i.e. I get a “buzz” each time I drink alcohol.
  2. Flat: Each (number) times I do something, I get armored, i.e. each five times I drink, I get a buzz.
  3. Variable: I get at random armored for each action I take. Sometimes I get a buzz, sometimes I don’t, and nobody knows when I will.

We’ll focus more on variable schedules, for the unadorned reason that variable reinforcement is really more addictive than constant reinforcement! Yes, read that again. A common illustration here is the slots machine used in having a bet. Part of the reason broadcast get addicted to it is because we never know when we will hit the jackpot!

When we realise that variable reinforcement is more addictive, we start to see even more pairings – often, subconscious, nearly forgotten, pairings. The first few times I started smoking, I got a “buzz”, a physical high. Naturally, when I started smoking daily, I nearly never got the buzz again. But when I quit smoking, I realised the full time I was smoking, I was subconsciously still waiting for it!

This is especially right for our thoughts and feelings. McKay and Fanning gives another splendid example – an fanatical worrier who wastes hours a day torturing themselves with mental images is rewarded when, perhaps once a year, they manage to come across a workable solution.

Punishment

At this point, a perceptive reader might be thinking – we’ve discussed reinforcements, rewards, but what about punishments?

Punishment works in the same essential style as reinforcement – one might get positive punishment (a father “giving” his daughter a spanking, perhaps), or negative punishment (taking her favourite toy away). The reason I have not place much accent on it so far is unadorned: while it is splendid for self-appreciative, I certainly don’t urge it for changing ourselves. Some will debate this, though.

But first things first. The process of breakdown in your own life is the same as it is for reinforcements. Why does a certain song make you sad? It might remind you of a past lover. Sometimes a pleased song might make you sad, austerely because it happened to be on the radio when something painful happened. Why do we avoid doing the laundry? Most likely, we have associated it with boredom and monotony.

The Practical Aspects

And so we come to the end of the scheme. The next post will start looking at some practical applications. While that shape up is being prepared, please do some breakdown of your own, but don’t do any work! I believe that using behaviourism by itself can have some harmful side effects, and the next post will detail that. The beauty of this school, for me, lies in the appreciative and exploring parts of self-work.

Also, I’ve establish a couple of blogs that have been stealing my make pleased and passing them off as their own, which is pretty common. But what pisses me off is that they ignore continual polite emails to stop, and keep doing it! I wouldn’t mind at all if they had at least credited me. If you read this anywhere that is not UrbanMonk.Net, you know where to go to get the real deal. *Update* I take most web aggregators as a compliment, for they acknowledge me, that’s all I need. I’m particularly referring to those who pretend they wrote my make pleased.

Link Like

The first link like is long overdue. I can’t believe I have never associated out to two of my best blogging friends – I reflect my brain is fried. CK Reyes and Michelle Vandepas run Divine Purpose Unleashed, a blog on many topics, including – you guessed it – life purpose. What I delight in most are the private and human tales they share, which ultimately leads into a lesson we can all benefit from. A excellent example of this: Do you need confirmation of your life purpose?

The second goes out to Celes Chua of EmbraceLiving.Net. She’s a really excellent writer, and writes long, in-depth articles, with a twist of her chirpiness, excitement for her topic, and light-hearted humour. A contemporary post you might like: Are You Sleepwalking Your Life Away?


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If you read this anywhere that does not acknowledge UrbanMonk.Net as the author, they are stealing make pleased. Please visit the first website for the real deal.
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